Taylor Swift for the Married Set

Taylor Swift releases a new angst filled album today. (Photo: Amazon.com)

I don’t really enjoy Taylor Swift music much in the way I can’t stand Glee or get antsy during old The Wonder Years reruns. Adolescence wasn’t horrible, it’s just something I would rather not hark back to often.

That being said, I understand the young Swift’s appeal; it sounds like she stole the diaries of every 15 year old in America and turned them into country-pop songs. That boy you thought was cute called you an awkward geek? Let’s write a song about it. You have a crush on a friend in a seemingly bad relationship? Let’s write a song about it. You have a crush on an older student-athlete who is a giant jerk but you won’t realize it until he tries to get you in bed? Yet another song. (You know Swift’s songs are universal when hockey players admit to listening to them during their “get to know your team” segments on jumbotrons.)

But someday Taylor Swift is going to grow up, and she may very well get married. What is a young woman who has built her entire career writing about relationship angst going to write about then? The heck that is changing her name post-wedding?

I stood in line for too much time
Waiting this long should be a crime
Why do the license plates move faster
I just want to change my name to Lancaster

Or her new husband’s habit of hanging with the guys after work every single night?

You enjoy one dollar Narragansetts
I enjoy having money to buy presents
You like spending 5pm with your friends
I like not having to make amends
So I won’t bring up that habit
I’d rather you’re happy so I don’t get in trouble for buying that jacket

Or those ever fun questions from relatives about when you’re going to have a kid?

Aunt Gertrude wants to know when we’ll have a baby
I want to tell her she’s pretty crazy
She doesn’t understand our student loan debts
Which will keep us from never buying a bassinet

Someone sign me to a record contract – I can be Taylor Swift for the newly married set! (Never mind that my piano teacher once told my parents, “I never believed being tone-deaf was possible until I met your daughter.” That’s what auto-tune is for, right?) If you have any other topics or ideas of what a married Taylor Swift might sing about, add them to the comments. (Namely because I’d love to get some more non-spammer comments.)