The Last Month

When a colleague asks how you’re remaining so calm after losing your engagement ring, and you respond, “Because it’s not the worst thing that has happened in the last 24 hours,” you know it’s been a bad stretch.

The month of January has left me defeated. My Grandmother passed away days after my 32nd birthday, after I believed I’d have at least a few more months with her. I struggled with my most important relationship. I lost my engagement ring in the snow outside of Ristuccia Arena while trying to get cell service to post a score update during a BC High-St. John’s Prep hockey game. I lost one of my favorite writing jobs because of my own gosh-darn stupidity and belief I can do everything in the world in a mere 24 hours a day. I completely bombed an interview for a writing job that could have changed my life. I pulled all-nighters. I typed so much my fingers hurt. At my full-time job, I had many people question my decision-making and planning abilities, and people who said they would help with events never following through and then blaming me for their lack of success.

And on top of that, I continue to see people who I believe I have just as much talent as passing me by in the sports media realm.

I was tired, discouraged and had many times where I wanted to just stare into space and let woe overcome me. Sitting in my loveseat cradling a bag of generic Chex Mix and tons of beer looked like the most viable option.

But there was also great points that never would have happened if I let myself wallow. I covered the US Figure Skating Championships, something I’ve wanted to do since I was a VHS tape collecting, Blades On Ice subscribing, jump memorizing teenager. I met journalists I had always looked up to, and was able to prove to them that yes, this random girl who appeared in the mixed zone out of nowhere actually knew about figure skating. I had headlines on the back page and entire spreads in the Boston Herald. I had papers contacting me from all over to freelance when they found out I was at Nationals.

I problem solved in all lines of my jobs. A U.S. Senator came to an event I planned (don’t ask how that came about, because I’m not even sure.) I eulogized my Grandmother and didn’t sound like a bumbling idiot. I somehow kept my apartment clean. I stole an hour away here and there to hang out with two friends who have been so giving with their time and ears. And just yesterday, I snagged the Holy Grail of cell phone numbers of a most elusive interview subject and got him on the phone to talk for 25 minutes.

January was awful, but in another way, it wasn’t. It proved to me that I’m resilient. It proved to me that I have some big decisions to make, and I can’t keep putting them off. It gave me a chance to make peace with the fact that this might be as far as I get in sports writing. I realized I need to be a better friend. It taught me to stick up for myself, but to admit when I’ve made mistakes.

January could have been a lot worse.