Category: Uncategorized (Page 4 of 34)

It is completely unnerving to be told you can’t go about your everyday.

When I was 36 weeks pregnant, my doctor told me she didn’t want me to commute into the city for work for the rest of my pregnancy. It wasn’t the biggest shocker, as it was something she had alluded to twice prior, but I never expected her to actually enforce it. My husband and I now share a car (the Kat Mobile has gone to the great parking lot in the sky), and thus I relied on the commuter rail and Green Line to get to and from work everyday. On a good day, the commute was 65 minutes one way. On most days, the commute was 95 minutes one way. (Thus what happens when you work on Boston’s B Line.)

I was getting to work at 9am and hopefully getting home by 8:15pm. This was far better than my normal, which was work my job at the university from 9am – 5:30pm, then run to my other job at the newspaper and work until 11pm. My voluntary concession to the third trimester would be that I’d give my newspaper shifts up. That alone was enough to drive me up a tree. (Who knew I would miss taking coaches’ phone calls so much?)

Sure, even my amended schedule was tiring me out, but I imagined I just would keep doing this until I had my son. What choice did I have? Isn’t this what everyone does? I would work until five days prior to my due date just like I thought everyone else did.

Instead, I was given a few days notice and told that the day I turned 37 weeks, I was to trade in my commute for working remotely. I obliged, thinking it would last just a few days. I planned to walk into my next doctor’s appointment and say, “See? Nothing happened. This kid isn’t coming for another week or two. Let me go back to my work.”

I went back, and she said the opposite. Well, then.

In the mere six days since I had stopped my commute, I felt aimless and sorry for myself nearly every second of that time. Even though I’ve had my ups and downs with my full-time career path over the last three years (my spirit for the field of student affairs has its ebbs and flows, but I think a lot of those in the field are going through the same lately,) it guts me to not physically be in the student union I’ve called my work home for most of my entire working life. I even miss my little, tiny closet office – something one of my Deans said I can’t complain about until I’ve been in it 10 years, because that’s how long he was stuck in it. (Guess what – June 16 marks ten years of it being my office. I’ll register an honorary complaint on that day, even though I’ve learned to enjoy it.)

This whole situation found me sitting at home on Commencement Sunday feeling immensely left out and horribly depressed. I moped around my apartment, lacking the desire to do anything. I had missed Saturday’s pre-Commencement reception at my boss’ house. I had missed hearing the organ play and shake my entire office floor in the process. I had missed the one day a year I get to dress up in faux doctoral gear to work Commencement field crowd control. I couldn’t live tweet from the office’s Twitter account. You don’t really realize how much those things mean until you are sitting on the sidelines under orders not to be there.

I was miserable. I didn’t even want to write, and I had mounds of it to finish.

But then, at one point, it all clicked. My almost-one year old kitten Marv has a don’t-quit personality that mimics that of his namesake, legendary Buffalo Bills head coach Marv Levy. But instead of his typical spunk, he had followed me around that day with a long face that perfectly represented my mood.

I don’t know what it was, but I looked down at him and realized I couldn’t do this for the next 14 days or however long I have until my son makes his appearance. I only have so many days to be fully present in what I want and need to do until what I want and need to do completely changes. Wasting all of that time in wallow is a horrible, no good use of that time. I was letting down so many by doing so, most importantly myself.

Feeling sorry for yourself is a simple trap to get caught in, pregnant or not. It’s something I’ve let myself do too much over the years. You have to find a way out of it that works for you. Sometimes it just takes looking at your spunky kitten. Sometimes it takes a whole lot more. Whatever you need to do, do it.

Don’t worry – I’ll never go all fashion blogger on you all. (I once tweeted, “In the tune of AC/DC: For those who can wear jeans to work, we salute you.” I think that settles how much I lack true fashion sense.) But I’m eight months pregnant and am still shocked at how few real takes there are on maternity clothes.

So I thought I would use my little corner of the net to take a break from what I usually blog about and give guidance to others in my shoes in the future. (And to the guys who read my blog: keep it in mind for your significant others down the line.)

I will warn you: buying maternity clothes is pricey. Very few retailers still sell them in stores, and those who do often exempt them from sales (I’m looking judgmentally at you, Macy’s.) So you may be stuck buying them online, where shipping is either very slow but cheap, or speedy but expensive.

A sample of the basics Zulily sells. (Photo: Zulily)

You may try out Target’s offerings to save money. However, if you are under five-foot-three (like five-foot-one me,) you will find very little. Their dresses are made for basketball centers and their pants go at least a foot beyond my actual foot. Their t-shirts are okay, but a little too v-necked and thin to wear in an office environment. I was not impressed. Old Navy’s offerings are also tailored towards those of the population who don’t need stepstools, so I haven’t been able to try too much from them.

Zulily was a big help for me early on, but their shipping times vary greatly, making it impractical once you reach your third trimester. They have so many things I would like to buy offered at a reasonable price, but at this point, waiting 14 days for delivery means I might wear the item just once before I have my child in May. But for basics at the beginning, I recommend them. (It is a site that you have to sign up for, and if you are interested, feel free to use my invite link. I get credit if you make a purchase.)

Pink Blush’s mint crochet arm shirt. I love this thing (Photo: Pink Blush.)

The place I wish I had shopped more is Pink Blush. Though some of their items are a tad too casual for my use, plenty of them are beautifully made and able to be dressed up or down. Their crochet arm shirt is something I want one of in every color. I bought it in mint green, and currently it is my favorite place of clothing. I have one dress from them, and it is so soft and looks amazing. On the whole, maternity clothes can make you feel sub-par, but Pink Blush’s make you feel like you might just know what you’re doing. They are worth the somewhat more expensive price. (And if you are early on, you can order some of their clearance items on Zulily, but you will just have double or triple the shipping time.)

That elbow sleeved ruched dress from Motherhood Maternity on me.

The mall maternity stores, Motherhood Maternity, Destination Maternity and A Pea in the Pod, have the same parent company and have similar pieces at different price points. It can be a frustrating realization. They are another good spot for basics, including their online-only elbow sleeve ruched dresses in a variety of colors and prints that are simple and wearable forever. I own this one – I should have bought three. (I might still. Their shipping is quick.) But overall as a brand, they seem not to have escaped the frump factor yet, and too much of their stuff has ill-fitting empire waists.

It’s important to note that what works for one person may not work for others. I have one friend who swore by a Motherhood Maternity outlet store she found, while another (also short like me) friend had a lot of success at Old Navy thanks to hemming and working in a more casual workplace. Sadly, a lot of maternity clothes offerings ignore those of us who have to work in a business environment, and focus on much more casual offerings. With workplaces becoming more and more casual, I don’t know if this will change.

Another note: screw the suggestions that “your maternity size is your normal size” that these stores will give you. For some of us, it’s not true. In some brands, my maternity size is smaller than my normal size because of my height and proportions. Look at each store’s size charts, try on what you can, and make the judgement call for yourself.

And when you get frustrated around seven months that you look dowdy and awful, just remember that a pre-pregnancy blazer and jewelry can go a long way towards making you feel better.

Saturday was a first: I was coupon-shamed at Christmas Tree Shops.

The cashier looked at what I was buying and asked, “Are you on our email list?”

“Yes,” I answered.

“Well, do you not look at your email? Because these were on sale on Thursday with an email coupon.”

I sheepishly admitted I didn’t look at Thursday’s email.

“Well, maybe you should read your email more often then,” the cashier said in a sing-song tone, gesturing at me with the jar of paprika I was buying. “Do you want to sign up for our free plush Peep giveaway?”

“Oh no, it’s okay,” I answered, looking over at the lines of anxious people waiting to check out behind me and at every other register.

The cashier then shot me daggers with her eyes. “I would sign up for the giveaway. It’s a stuffed animal, for goodness sakes.”

She shoved a slip my way and I didn’t say a word. It seemed like there was no discussing this further. I scribbled down my name and phone number as she finally scanned my items. I slid the slip back to her.

“Are you going to check your email more often now?” she asked as she handed me my receipt.

“Yes, yes I am,” I answered, red in the face.

Needless to say, I spent the first 10 minutes of my Sunday morning reading all of my email, looking for coupons.